January 2009
98 posts
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WatchHYPERTHRUST!
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Brothers, something is missing. Between the robots, investment notifications, and sharp objects, there has been nary a steampunk update in quite a while. With that in mind, I bring the melding of Victorian-era sensibilities and Jobsian design aesthetics: the iSteamPhone. Goggles not included.
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A collection of bizarre lo-res animated gifs.
Via Modcult.
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SMJ Investor Notification
We have a fairly major decision to make here. I’ve sold off all my research, I can’t decide whether or not to eat the old breakfast tacos I found in my bed, and the SMJ bank account is in danger because we’ve got an ancient LED calculator and it doesn’t have enough digits to add up all of our money.
In any other circumstance I’d put this to a vote, but I’m...
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The sharpest object known to man
I want to take a moment out from the petty name calling and out Jortsmanship that typically fills the pages of this site. Below is a picture of the sharpest object known to man, a tungsten needle. While it looks like a tasty raspberry, those berries are in-fact individual atoms. The lighter colored ones with elongated features, those atoms moved around while the image was being captured with the...
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This just in from the wasted gorilla cyborgs at...
The world’s most under-engineered Can Crusher. It’s portable, practical and can be used on just about any cylindrical object.
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Watch@Jortmaster: are you BIG BOSS?
which side are we on?
is it future time?
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WatchI made a similar video when I released my own line of jams in nineteen hundred and eighty seven, and then again in ‘91 when I had my own slap bracelet…except Kanye is a dick.
thanks @buster
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One of the benefits of being a knight of the SMJ empire is access to both the time traveling machine and our bushels of gold coins. After spending two months in the Renaissance, I have learned two things: toilets are an amazing invention and no one can paint a Unicorn with my moms quite like Bellini. Enjoy.
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And now for something less serious...
Whales riding Segways.
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Flettner's Rotorship
Anton Flettner was a German Aeronautical engineer working for the Central Military effort during WWI. Among his innovations for Graf Zeppelin Research was the aeronautic trim tab, which he developed as part of an air-to-surface missle project.
In the 1920s, he bought a schooner and added two rotating 50-foot cylinders onto it, and thus was the first to build a propulsion system based on the...
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Death Proof
By now most of you know that Barack Obama, Archon of the Outer Realm, Servant of the Demiurge, and blooded 333rd degree Freemason was crowned king of reality today. By now you have gazed upon his works like the turning of water into Sparks(tm) and the resuscitation of the exhumed corpse of William H. Harrison. But you probably don’t know about the bullet proof gear under that smart suit:
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“in less than an hour, barack obama will feed all 2 million people on the quad...”
– The jortmaster wins today.
What type of Chaps do I want?
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AN/FLR-9: High frequency radio interception antenna, RAF Chicksands, UK, ca. 1985.
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“In October 1971, a US submarine, Halibut, visited the Sea of Okhotsk off the eastern USSR and recorded communications passing on a military cable to the Khamchatka Peninsula. Halibut was equipped with a deep diving chamber, fully in view on the submarine’s stern. The chamber was described by the US Navy as a “deep submergence rescue vehicle”.
The truth was that the...
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Toys that my dad is sort of a dick for letting me...
If he was a psycho fundamentalist i never would’ve been allowed to have these.
I did love the shit out of that purple raccoon, though…
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SMJ NETWORK UPDATE
Hey dudes, I’ve two quick things to tell you before the weekend peaks in a few hours with me sitting in a car outside someone’s house after 2 am, waiting to get directions to a party that somebody heard is pretty kickass even though there’s no beer left.
1) Inhalable alcohol vaporizers look like they’re intended to keep you alive. Awesome.
2) Inhalable alcohol...
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Heroic Pets of the 20th Century
“Some of the world’s most heroic animals are being honoured as part of a ceremony to mark the restoration of Ilford cemetery, the final resting place of 3,000 pets. Buried at the newly restored cemetery are some of the recipients of the PDSA Dickin Medal, the charity’s animal equivalent of the Victoria Cross.
Simon the cat is credited with helping save the lives of Royal...
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The LONDON PEN CLUB
“The members of the London Pen Club have meeting been together for over a decade to enjoy, preserve and promote the usage of fountain pens.
The first golden age of the fountain pen was the 1920’s through until the 1950’s. The second golden age of the fountain pen began in the 1990’s and is continuing today. Collectors are not only using pens from that earlier era but are...
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A list of places to stay the fuck out of in Texas:
Andrews Angelina Armstrong Bailey Borden Bowie Floyd Cochran Collingsworth Cottle Crosby Dawson Delta Erath Fisher Franklin Gaines Hale Hansford Hemphill Houston Johnson Jones Kent Knox Lamb Lubbock Lynn Morris Motley Ochiltree Panola Parmer Roberts Rusk Sherman Smith Sterling Swisher Terry Throckmorton Tyler Van Zandt Wood Yoakyum
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