March 2009
48 posts
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Mrs. Blog
Lois, looking haughtier and less amused than ever, finds out the horrible truth… she must marry a blog, or die!
But Lois hates the internets. Good thing Superman isn’t above socking some sabretooth tigers in order to defend Lois’ golden-age chastity!
From Showcase Presents: Superman Family Vol 3.
Via Chris’ Invincible Super-Blog.
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Community Memory (or The Immediacy of...
“Community Memory was the first public computerized bulletin board system.
While initially conceived as an information and resource sharing network linking a variety of counter-cultural economic, educational, and social organizations with each other and the public, Community Memory was soon generalized to be an information flea market. Once the system became available, the users...
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On altruism (trendy)
a: skee ball is actually a trend now.
b: i know.
b: sucks.
b: i can't wait 'til volunteering at a soup kitchen is a trend.
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Rejected Names For My Still-Conceptual...
The Skee and Cake
Deep Blue Skee
What Made Milwaukskee Famous
I Can Skee For Miles
The Discrete Charm of the Bourgeoiskee
Skee of Cortez
Wu-Tang Killa Skees
Bruce Springskeen and the Skee Street Band
Hudsucker Proxskee
Skee Minor
One Does Not Simply Skee Into Mordor
Kepleskee
Explosions in the Skee
The Skee Wolf
John Aiellskee
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Try Not To Fucking Pass Out Without Brushing Your...
Don’t forget flossing is even more important than brushing. I use mermaid hair. But then again there’s always a super hot drunk one passed out in my bed snuggled in narwhalhide.
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Mental Organism Designed Only for Killing
a.k.a M.O.D.O.K. B.I.T.C.H.E.S!!!1!!!!1!!
(M.O.D.O.K sez: “My legs are completely vestigal. Also, I have no genitals. This is why I kill. Also, I was designed ONLY for killing. Its sort of a bummer. I wish I were designed for something more fun, like badminton.”)
See also, the shocking Ms. M.O.D.O.K. in some hottt team-up action!
BRAIN WAVVES!
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I Hate That Pearl Cream Ad
A disembodied human liver, discovered at 311 E. Fifth Street, Austin, Texas on March 25, 2009.
Watch this one all the way through, it gets really good towards the end.
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A beard requires a lot of attention
I know, the entire SMJ community is still feeling hungover, but that doesn’t mean we can languish around looking unkempt.
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Underwater volcano spewing all types of ash into the atmosphere and stuff. Video at National Geographic.
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Lowbrow-Highbrow
Reprinted below, a fake novelization of a movie never made.
A fragment of British novelist J.G. Ballard’s adaptation of David Cronenberg’s film Alien. Cronenberg was slated to direct Alien until the studios realized it would be the grossest thing, like, ever.
SXSDetox?
It’s only the cat, Ripley. Squatting in the brine strained from the ore above, Kane pressed the activation panel of...
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This is how I feel this morning
Luv U SXSW! H8 U non-star-nosed moles!
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Holy Shit! Its SXSW, Chubies!
Don’t forget to tip your bartenders, or we’ll ride horses through your windows.
(Some animals were harmed in the making of this video.)
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The Weekend Before SHITBYJORTWEST
I’m simply staking out my sweet parking/viewing/drinking spot. I suggest you do the same after you put in some hours helping us set up our enormous mind-fucking festival so we can just start cracking into this truckload of free Dewars and training our wild minotaur to carry a serving tray.
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Poker Dragons
A fitting gift to myself for never getting laid.
“The fearsome fellas in this poker-playing dragon figurine collection are aggressive card sharks who guard their treasures with strategy, skill, and, of course, a little luck! And whether they’re razing a kingdom or raising the ante, you don’t want to be left out of the action! This high-stakes game starts off with Issue...
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THE HALL OF PAN FLAUTISTS
It calls to you by name.
SMJ INSIDER: EXCLUSIVE WATCHMEN FOOTAGE!
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SMJ Weekend Challenge
Although I am richer than all of the gods of the earth combined will ever be, I have chosen to sweat with the proletariat tonight in the service of some total fucking assholes downtown. I will be working the door at a place that looks not unlike this in order to find out what ‘work’ feels like:
Find me if you dare to try.
(hint: follow the popped collars, pastel pants, and the...
The 'Douche' Boat
In 1969, an Armored Troop carrier was converted into a high pressured water boat and fitted with ridiculously powerful water cannons that could totally blow your fingers off.
The cannons put out 2,700 gallons of ‘river’ water a minute at 250 pounds of pressure at the nozzles. That’s more than the fluid volume of 28,800 Lonestars, bitches!
The well deck of the boat was...
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Moffedille
Translation: “Wreckognize, bitches!”
The Moffedille is a fantasy creature from the beloved classic Norweigian psychedelic children’s show Pompel & Pilt.
Its a talking mop that communicates uttering different semi-mysterious speech bubbles. In episode 3, the Moffedille manages to communicate that it has a key inside of it that it wants the inept repairmen Pompel and Pilt...
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Turtle Boy
Lockin’ it down in Worchester, MA.
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What sort of Ghillie poncho do I want?
I need one of these to hide in various seasonal environments from all the hypothetical chicks who I’m not sleeping with in the over-priced efficiency I got kicked out of today.
A complete ready-to-wear ghillie suit designed for an upright stalk. Comes with two additional pounds of burlap. Available in woodland camo. 10 pounds total weight. Super double creepy.
-Kurt Blaschke, Senior...
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Dear shitmycohorts,
Why do we always try to complicate everything?
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