“I don’t give a fuck what you say. Im dragging this huge metaphorical boat over this giant metaphorical hill, with tragic results. And I’m going to use the doctrine of manifest destiny and cash I extorted from my sexy girlfriend’s brothel to make it fucking happen. And I can make ice! I defy you to stand in my way, bitches!”

“I’m Klaus Kinski, and I love this fucking porridge. And opera. Also, I will kill you.”

“Observe, as I pwn Christian Bale.”

April 14, 2009, 10:46am

One of the benefits of being a knight of the SMJ empire is access to both the time traveling machine and our bushels of gold coins. After spending two months in the Renaissance, I have learned two things: toilets are an amazing invention and no one can paint a Unicorn with my moms quite like Bellini. Enjoy.

January 22, 2009, 10:08am