Badger 288: Mobile strip mining machine.

There’s no fucking way I’m letting this die on the ‘comments’ thread. Thanks jortjortington. Sometimes we are impressed by things.

February 24, 2009, 3:24pm

Meet the new SMJ RV-

— It is 40 m by 35 m, 6-8m tall (adjustable), weighs 2700 tons.
— Has 16 traction motors, powered by four 1 MW generators
— Has two 750 kW generators used for jacking, steering, lighting, and ventilating
— Generators are powered by 4 diesel engines
— Consumes 150 US gallons of diesel fuel per mile. Tank holds 5000 gallons.
— Top speed of 2 mph

Now that gas has gotten cheap again, I was thinking of putting the Delorean in the garage and taking a road trip. It should only take us a week or so to get to Big Bend. Motherfuckers are going to hate parking next to us.

February 23, 2009, 11:40pm

We have a fairly major decision to make here. I’ve sold off all my research, I can’t decide whether or not to eat the old breakfast tacos I found in my bed, and the SMJ bank account is in danger because we’ve got an ancient LED calculator and it doesn’t have enough digits to add up all of our money.

In any other circumstance I’d put this to a vote, but I’m really torn here and for some reason nothing can make me give a shit what any of you think.

Tomorrow, SMJ will have no liquid assets whatsoever and we will be the proud, still-drunk owners of one of the following:

A replica of the Dead Sea on the orbiting SMJ battlestation, including sweet sky and a legion of hot female mercentaurs. If it’s good enough for King David, it’s good enough for us. When salt is currency again and everyone else is totally fucked, we’re going to have huge salty foam parties with tons of Sparks for the entire SMJ network.

A few bottles of this shit: Shipwrecked 1907 Heidsieck. It sat at the bottom of the ocean from 1916 to 1997. Now it’s $275,000 and consuming a full bottle will get you pretty tanked and turn you into a vampirate. Spending the rest of my days seeking an end to my eternal life underwater seems pretty well worth it. I’ve seen the Little Mermaid like a million times and I sort of have a thing for redheads.

And finally 25,000 of these. Fully operational mechanical facehugger, looks and moves like the real thing. They won’t lay eggs in anyone, but I bet you could still conquer a nation with a good count. I mean, it’s freaking me the fuck out just looking at the gearbox on ONE of them. Seeing 25,000 of them skittering across your border would do some real psychological damage.

So the comment box will let you say whatever you want, but how I spend all of this money will really just depend on how irritated I am tomorrow.

January 28, 2009, 2:09pm