Meet Big Loo, Head of Security at the SMJ Polo Club. The Loo is a Communist Hating Semi-Autonomous Killer Robot from 1962. He comes with handler shown in the video, now an oldster in need of a liver transplant due to decades of hard drinking at Red7.

February 05, 2009, 9:41am

Strandbeest.

February 04, 2009, 11:58am

We have a fairly major decision to make here. I’ve sold off all my research, I can’t decide whether or not to eat the old breakfast tacos I found in my bed, and the SMJ bank account is in danger because we’ve got an ancient LED calculator and it doesn’t have enough digits to add up all of our money.

In any other circumstance I’d put this to a vote, but I’m really torn here and for some reason nothing can make me give a shit what any of you think.

Tomorrow, SMJ will have no liquid assets whatsoever and we will be the proud, still-drunk owners of one of the following:

A replica of the Dead Sea on the orbiting SMJ battlestation, including sweet sky and a legion of hot female mercentaurs. If it’s good enough for King David, it’s good enough for us. When salt is currency again and everyone else is totally fucked, we’re going to have huge salty foam parties with tons of Sparks for the entire SMJ network.

A few bottles of this shit: Shipwrecked 1907 Heidsieck. It sat at the bottom of the ocean from 1916 to 1997. Now it’s $275,000 and consuming a full bottle will get you pretty tanked and turn you into a vampirate. Spending the rest of my days seeking an end to my eternal life underwater seems pretty well worth it. I’ve seen the Little Mermaid like a million times and I sort of have a thing for redheads.

And finally 25,000 of these. Fully operational mechanical facehugger, looks and moves like the real thing. They won’t lay eggs in anyone, but I bet you could still conquer a nation with a good count. I mean, it’s freaking me the fuck out just looking at the gearbox on ONE of them. Seeing 25,000 of them skittering across your border would do some real psychological damage.

So the comment box will let you say whatever you want, but how I spend all of this money will really just depend on how irritated I am tomorrow.

January 28, 2009, 2:09pm

Dudes. Seriously. I think I found a way that we can get the $78,300 that we need in order to replicate the Dead Sea on the sub-deck of SMJ station. 

I’ve been called a lot of things: robot inventor, hilarious genius, king of the hood, girlfriendless… but no one has ever, ever, ever spoken highly of my integrity or said that I have no price. 

I’m selling the plans for my robot. And I suggest you dudes do the same.

January 28, 2009, 10:42am

I want to take a moment out from the petty name calling and out Jortsmanship that typically fills the pages of this site. Below is a picture of the sharpest object known to man, a tungsten needle. While it looks like a tasty raspberry, those berries are in-fact individual atoms. The lighter colored ones with elongated features, those atoms moved around while the image was being captured with the Field Ion Microscope (FIM). This is for serious, I found it on the internets.

January 27, 2009, 3:57pm

Nice Terminator VI effort, Jortmaster, but i don’t think a counter-weight’s going to get that guy around on the bone-littered battlefields of 2027. He needs some FUCKING RADIO CONTROLS!

January 27, 2009, 1:41pm

R.U.Rs beat T-101s any day. The counter weight lets you know its bleeding edge technology.

January 27, 2009, 1:09pm