Lois, looking haughtier and less amused than ever, finds out the horrible truth… she must marry a blog, or die!

But Lois hates the internets. Good thing Superman isn’t above socking some sabretooth tigers in order to defend Lois’ golden-age chastity!

From Showcase Presents: Superman Family Vol 3.

Via Chris’ Invincible Super-Blog.

March 31, 2009, 9:29am

I’m cleaning out the “creepy shit I find on the internette” folder that sits on my desktop. This will benefit our self-aggrandizing community greatly and the barrage of posts that ensues will be known across the e-plains as “SMJ Bailout 2009.”

From The Chas Addams Mother Goose, 1967.

March 30, 2009, 1:05pm

a.k.a M.O.D.O.K. B.I.T.C.H.E.S!!!1!!!!1!!

(M.O.D.O.K sez: “My legs are completely vestigal. Also, I have no genitals. This is why I kill. Also, I was designed ONLY for killing. Its sort of a bummer. I wish I were designed for something more fun, like badminton.”)

See also, the shocking Ms. M.O.D.O.K. in some hottt team-up action!

BRAIN WAVVES!

March 27, 2009, 1:38pm

March 11, 2009, 1:17pm

February 20, 2009, 2:20pm

February 20, 2009, 2:17pm

From the C-list of the Flash’s Rogues Gallery:

Roscoe Dillon was a small-time crook who turned his childhood obsession with tops into a criminal persona. Roscoe taught himself how to spin around fast enough to deflect bullets and produce other semi-useful effects. As The Top, he uses his unique gimmick to commit burglaries and other crimes. His moderate success in crime soon makes him a respected member of the Flash’s rogues galler

Dillon soon discovers that all the spinning somehow increases his intelligence as well, allowing him to create a variety of trick tops. Eventually, the Top develops immense psionic powers, as years of spinning moves dormant brain cells to the outer areas of his brain, endowing him with mental powers.

February 10, 2009, 8:50pm

From the C-list of the Flash’s Rogues Gallery:

One night, after losing all his money in a game, Jeremy Tell murdered the winning gambler. A mystically “cursed deck of cards” owned by the murdered man suddenly and inexplicably animated and flew at Tell, cleaving his flesh and bonding to his skin. They have replaced most of his flesh, and cover most of his body. Now, as DOUBLE DOWN, Tell can (either mentally or mystically) control these cards, detaching them from his body and directing their movement. He can use a card’s razor edges to cut through things, or to encase someone with his cards. When in battle, he often uses puns related to gambling, in much the same manner a Silver Age gimmick villain would.

February 10, 2009, 9:07am

…Look, I know you’re not crazy about this dress-tunic that I “insist upon wearing.” It just feels comfortable. No, I don’t think its too short. I don’t complain when you wear your short dresses. Besides, it disperses energy blasts and makes my thighs look great. And then you keep bringing up my “smelly gorilla buddies.” I know they’re not like the prep school guys you usually hang out with, but they’re my friends. And honestly, aside from 1-A and you, they’re really the only non-robot friends I’ve got. When you live in a bubble under the sea and train all the time to fight robots, you dont get to meet a lot of people. I just want you to give me another chance. Txt me as soon as you get this.

XOXO

-Magnus

February 02, 2009, 1:06pm

Some days I am Mainframe and Rashid is any girl I’ve ever met.

January 17, 2009, 9:44am

I just got back from vacation. SMJ paid for me to go to Romania and stay in a castle and sleep in a sweet iron maiden. I miss the bats. 

Here is an incomprehensible comic that looks like it belongs on this retarded blog.

January 07, 2009, 10:39am

… is an actual, honest-to-god headline on Slate right now, thanks to ladmagtastic former Austiner and all-around asshole Neal Pollack.

LeBron, wondering if he remembered to feed his goldfish.

But what I (and most SMJ readers) really want to know is…

Jean Grey was definitely traced from a porno mag, as are most Marvel heroines since the late 70s.Wolvie’s fangs are great, but the real win here is Punisher, with a rocket launcher, WEARING A FUCKING CROSS!

December 18, 2008, 11:22am

December 17, 2008, 9:56am

Googam, son of Goom. Pissing off Bryan.

December 16, 2008, 12:43pm