To find out what would happen if a robot handling a sharp tool accidentally struck a person, German researchers set out to perform a series of stabbing, puncturing, and cutting experiments. The tools the researchers tested included a scalpel, akitchen knife, scissors, a steak knife and a screwdriver. The researchers performed two types of experiments: stabbing and cutting, testing the different tools striking at various speeds, with and without the collision-detection system active.

June 02, 2010, 12:03pm

October 02, 2009, 9:24pm

August 21, 2009, 2:23pm

Hardiman was the first attempt to build a practical powered exoskeleton by GE in 1965. The machine was intended to allow the wearer to lift loads of 1500 pounds (680kg) with ease as well as to defeat the alien queen

The project was not successful. Any attempt to use the full exoskeleton resulted in a violent uncontrolled motion, and as a result the exoskeleton was never turned on with a person inside. Further research concentrated on one arm. Although it could lift its specified load of 750 pounds (340kg), it weighed three quarters of a ton, just over twice the liftable load. Without getting all the components to work together the practical uses for the Hardiman project were limited, and in 1968 aliens overran a GE laboratory in the Rochester, New York, with massive loss of life. The resulting firebombing and coverup left the Hardiman project in permanent hiatus.

July 19, 2009, 10:35am

So here’s Triplicate Girl. Fucking Triplicate Girl. This is your fault Dale-Duh, thanks for coming out of retirement. Seriously.

“There’s three of me. Hot clone stamp action!”

“Now I’m the Duo Damsel. Brainiac totes killed the shit out of one of my exo-bodies. There are only two of me. I’m so lonely.”

And then, inevitably, another body fell in battle leaving us with…

UNA!

“I have no exceptional powers or abilities whatsoever. I am now just another asshole in a purple American Apparel bodysuit and gold boots. I suck.”

The details are unimportant, but this is roughly how it all went down:

Yeah, that’s Computo. He’s got wheels, bitches.

June 24, 2009, 9:39am

Another day, another horrifying robot performing invasive surgery.

June 17, 2009, 1:07pm

Beware of hobos.

Via Hey Okay.

June 15, 2009, 12:52pm

“If you’re hearing this, you are the resistance.”

June 05, 2009, 12:39pm

Little known fact: In the intitial shoots of “Predator”, the Predator was a giant bug, portayed by none other than mega-agile martial arts god Jean-Claude Van Damme. He quit after 2 days, unhappy playing an anonymous special effect and not wanting to be overshadowed and defeated by the Arnold. He was replaced by the 7’2” mime Kevin Peter Hall, who also played Harry in “Harry and the Hendersons.”

May 12, 2009, 10:17am

May 11, 2009, 9:46am

“Community Memory was the first public computerized bulletin board system.

While initially conceived as an information and resource sharing network linking a variety of counter-cultural economic, educational, and social organizations with each other and the public, Community Memory was soon generalized to be an information flea market. Once the system became available, the users demonstrated that it was a general communications medium that could be used for art, literature, journalism, commerce, and social chatter.”

Sounds boring to us.

Some nerds using a Community Memory terminal at a record store, probably in California or some shit.

An example of the slowly arriving, useless, and incomprehensible information that they are pretending to be amped about in the photo above.

March 30, 2009, 2:51pm

ShitMyJorts Caption Contest Go!

March 05, 2009, 9:26am

“I fuck your commute.”

February 19, 2009, 10:04am

We’re sending this guy down from the orbiting SMJ Battlestation to break ground on our towering terrestrial docking station today. It’s going to be centrally located downtown and the ground floor storefront will maintain a number of overpriced dining establishments as well as the SMJ curiosities shop. We are interested to know if the assholes in your carpool will notice Devastator getting serious shit done down there, or if they’ll just be whining about who’s actually going to come to Austin to live in our enormous awesome building.

p.s. fuck valentines day and presidents’ day, again, for good measure.

February 16, 2009, 2:04pm

At SMJ HQ, we understand a very simple premise: world domination requires a fucking scary robot. To that end, we have developed the C-0 Katipo 6. A scaled prototype is shown below. We had wanted to unleash a hoard during the Inauguration, but we had issues with the nitonal alloy. Fear not, the problem has been solved and the mechanized death machine will soon enslave you all.

February 11, 2009, 11:46am